If there's one thing that can creep into your life in a very insidious way in proportion to your age or long relationship, it's the sub-pantophilia syndrome. Relationship experts commonly refer to this as the alpha male turning into a beta - beta syndrome. What do you mean by that? Is it a deadly disease for your relationships and intimate life? And how do you know if you're already suffering from it?
Since we regularly bring you articles on intimate life, relationships and healthy lifestyle that promotes intimacy, we can't avoid the topic of submissiveness - beta men. Believe me, up to 70% of men in today's society, if we mean the Western one where we hope most of us fit in, are crippled by it. What's wrong with that, anyway? Are you happy living your own lives? Well, maybe it's better to take it a little differently...
Some people don't realize they're sub-pantophiles. That's the problem with the creeping process. The characteristic of such a man is quite simple - he feels weak in the relationship, he finds it difficult to make decisions, to give direction to the relationship and new fulfillments, he does not try and unconsciously assumes the submissive role that most women have, unless they are naturally commanders. Plus, all of this can be pretty hard to admit. Look for the ego behind everything!
If a big survey were done, a large proportion of men, belonging to the sub-pantophile group, would say in their defense that they are actually happy and end it all by asking what's wrong with being a beta. Maybe some really are. So be it. But if they were all 100% honest, they would admit to subconsciously long-standing dissatisfaction, frustration, and perhaps even feelings of failure and unfulfilled desires. From what do we infer this? It's no secret that it's because of such problems that many men come to psychotherapists and relationship counselors. And no wonder! The man who is so-called under the slipper, the beta, neglects his personal agenda and values in interpersonal relationships. Not only in relationships, but in other important areas of his life, he submits to the opinions and desires of other more dominant individuals in his environment. The degree of subordination can vary depending on who is involved. The beta variously submits to a pretty girlfriend, a quarrelsome wife, conservative parents, an arrogant boss, an assertive and masculine neighbor, general social programming pressures, peers, and sort of gropes all around him socially. Is such a life authentic? Does it correspond to a man who radiates fulfillment, passion and the automatically derived attraction to women? Probably not much, right?
Art, going for it, self-confidence, strength, courage, dominance, assertiveness and high social intelligence are quite different cards to play successfully in life. If you've characterized yourself as one who is successfully heading towards beta-apostasy, maybe it's time to give it all the middle finger and get back on track. After all, it's all about self-satisfaction and boundless joy in life.
The most common and properly mischievous helpers on this roller coaster ride to beta living and submission to everything and everyone are FEAR and LAZY. You have just analyzed two arch enemies! It is these two qualities that subconsciously force you to make various concessions.
No more concessions from the smallest ones - here is the beginning of change!
The biggest foolish thing you can do on the way back is to load yourself with a lot from the beginning and want immediate change. Take poison for the fact that those around you will think, and so will your family, that you've gone completely insane. They simply won't be used to your unexpected resistance! You certainly don't want to mess up your relationships. So start slowly. Another reason is not to become a beta sub-apologist by becoming a complete stubborn idiot, because not every concession can be considered bad. The concessions that you should start forbidding yourself are those that are completely contrary to your lifestyle, values, beliefs and lead like a slow but sure-footed conveyor belt to the servant of reducing your life satisfaction.
Where it's convenient to start backing down is your own interests. Are you craving Asian cuisine on your lunch break at work, but your entire office goes to the Czech pub they usually go to? Go your own way, indulge in what YOU want! Do you switch every night to the program on TV that your partner wants? Strike a balance. Are your parents forcing you to take a job you don't want? Ditch it and look for a job that you enjoy. Promise your girlfriend first last and neglect yourself? Check yourself and don't back down all the time! Waiting in bed for what's next? Take the reins, don't keep waiting or you'll soon be miles away from your desires. And you're afraid you're gonna overdo it? That's what human dialogue is for. Don't be afraid to discuss and clarify what's bothering you.
When you do, remind yourself of words like warmth, helpfulness, respect, openness, understanding. Because getting back on the right man's path doesn't mean being arrogant, aggressive, rude and pushing everyone away because they won't feel comfortable with you. For you want them to feel good about you - because YOU feel good!